My Mother

I was raised the oldest of the 3 girls. My mother remarried when I was 4 years old and from and I have two sister who are 5 years and 8 years younger than me. Whenever I try to compare my actions as a mother for my daughters or look somewhere for guidance, the first place I always turn to is my mother.

In every sense, I am confident as a parent because I look back and how my mother raised us, and can't help but feel very overwhelmed with pride.

There are a couple of ways she kept us grounded together as a family and instilled her values in us, effortlessly.

Family First

There was seldom anytime that we were not together as a family. My step dad worked during the day, and my mother worked nights as a nurse in the hospital. This way she used her time to spend as much time with us as possible. My mother made it a point that whatever we did, we were together, and there were no exceptions. Any piano lessons, choir, anything like that, all of us waited and supported each other. Even as a teenager, I could go out with friends or go to the mall and watch a movie, but that was only if we didn't have plans as a family. If there was a movie, we would go together. My mother also was very fond of taking us traveling on road trips or little adventures to different parts of the city. We were seldom bored at home, but together as a family doing something.

My mother never gave us an option to stay home or miss out on anything she had planned. It simply was not an option. Looking back, there were times I was frustrated or missed out on something with friends, but after an hour or so, I loved the company of my sisters, and it enabled us to grow up really close. My friends knew family was important to me, and many of them envied what I had.

As a teenager, my mother and I clashed a little bit, like any other teenage girl and mom. But, I could have been worse. I never did drugs in high school  Not that they were not available, and my friend and boyfriends were all getting high or popping something at one time, but I just never did it. Being a Nurse, my mom spoke to us often about having a patient OD, or seeing a young person come in and ruin their life, or kids dying because not knowing if the drug they had had been altered and made properly. She never lectured us, but she stressed to us occasionally, from a young age, how pointless and risky it was. Needless to say, everything she had always said, stuck with me, and as a joint was passed to my hand, I just smiled and said No Thanks, and was confident in my choice. and it showed to my peers.

Dating

My mother never really "allowed" dating. I remember when I was in 4th grade and my two friends and I started dating this other group of boys in our class. We were so cool back then. I told them I had told my mother, but at 9, I already knew she wouldn't approve, or in my mind I thought she wouldn't understand. I was so sure she was going to be upset and told me I couldn't have a boyfriend, and that my friends would be upset with me. Our 4th grade dating circle pretty much just involved playing on the playground and sitting next to each other in class. Then a lot of giggling as a group. I don't remember anything else than that.

Then as my 2 friends and I were getting ready for our dress rehearsal in the talent show (we totally were dancing to a spice girls song), my friend blurted out how she was nervous because her boyfriend was here. My mom started laughing as she finished typing up my top how young she was too have a boyfriend. That is when my loud mouth of friends said, "I thought you told her you had a boyfriend?"

My mom gave me the funniest look, one that I would get for the rest of my life of things I would do that would make her laugh. "Your too young for a boyfriend," she then told me, but smiled at me anyway. I knew she understood me, and wanted me to know that she was there for me, but was clear about what she said.

Our first date, all 6 of use went to the movies to watch Titanic. My mother drove my friend and I, and then waited in the parking lot the entire time. We giggled at Jack drawing naked Kate, but other than that, loved the movie.

After a week, we all broke up with each other via whispers by the picnic tables, and it was a funny time in 4th grade that we still laugh about today.